


Actually, The World's a Sphere. (Though if You're Drawing, a Circle will Do)

by PadawanMaxineKenobi



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Based on a Tumblr Post, Border of Permanent Neutrality, Crack, How Do I Tag, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I edited this version, Originally Posted on Tumblr, but i mean its hetalia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 12:51:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18604876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PadawanMaxineKenobi/pseuds/PadawanMaxineKenobi
Summary: Inspired by the Tumblr post by writing-prompt-s: One day, the world receives a message from God. By popular demand (whatever that means), the Earth will be converted from a sphere to a flat plane. The nations of the world will meet in one week to decide on the kind of map projection that will be used when converting to a flat Earth. Describe what happens at the meeting.This is my take, Hetalia style.





	Actually, The World's a Sphere. (Though if You're Drawing, a Circle will Do)

America laughed, “Hey, Iggy, I guess you and all the other old geezers are glad you finally get to be on a flat Earth! Does this bring you back to your days of youth old man?”

“Oh belt up, you wanker. I’m not as old as you seem to think. Most of Europe were still children or teens then! Besides, we’re here to decide how we should organize ourselves.”

“Well, Angelterre, you're still not allowed to join us on the mainland. We don’t want your terrible cooking.”

“As if I’d want to join you, Frog!”

“How about you all join me, da?”

“Ah… No thanks Russia. We’re alright.”

“Dudes! I should totally be in the middle!”

“Eh… Where should I go?”

“Who are you?”

“I’m Canada…”

“I want to be right by Aniki!”

“Aiya! No! Korea, off!”

“But Aniki!”

“Well I want to be as far away from him as possible! I’m my own nation, after all!”

“Aiya! Korea, off! Mei, no!”

"I'm a city... could I separate?"

"No! Hong Kong!"

"But I wanna be by Emmy... 'sides, Thailand and India already decided that they're going to be by each other. They're not far apart at all. I want Emmy."

"Gah! Your language is so bad! This is Englands' fault! Korea! Get off! Honestly, I get no respect from any of you!"

“But Aniki! I don’t want to get stuck with Nihon! He’s so mean!”

“Actually, I had hoped to be near Germany-san and Italy-san.”

“Ve~ do you mean it Japan? That would be super cool! Right, Germany?”

“Hm… Ja. That would be nice.”

“If anybody gets Japan, it’s me! Ha ha ha ha!”

“No… Japan is mine. You are a loser.”

“Shut up, Greece! I am amazing! Right Japan?”

“No. You are a loser. I am amazing. Tell him that he’s a loser Japan.”

“Uh… I am sorry! I consider you both very good friends! Sorry!”

“Hey, Keeks! My dude! You agree that I should be in the middle, right?“

"Ah… America-san…”

“Kesesesese! It is the awesome me who will be in the center.”

“Che. Stupid-faced assholes. Mi idiot fratello and I will be in the middle!”

“Ah… Romano is so cute when he gets angry… His whole face turns bright red like a tomato…”

“Wa- fu- agh- Shut the fuck up you stupid Tomato Bastard!”

"He's right, you are pretty adorable Romano. Do you want some waffles?"

"Che. Well, it'd be rude to turn down foo from a lovely Bella like yourself."

"Try some!"

"Ah, Belgium, you made waffles? Can I have one?"

"Of course!"

"Ah, I think our big brother wants some too!"

"Ah! Big Brother! Do you a waffle? I made them myself!"

"Hmmm. You really shouldn't give out food for free. That's terrible for business."

"Big Brother is as financially focused as ever, huh?"

"Yes, it seems so."

“All of you be quiet and listen! We are here to have a meeting discussing how to rearrange ourselves, but all that any of you are doing is arguing! Seeing as I seem to be the only one here who knows how to run a meeting, I am in charge! As normal, five minutes per person, plan what you’re going to say ahead of time, and raise your hand in a manner that does not mock or insult my country’s past! Hungary, please do not give Prussia or Austria any more brain damage than they already have! Now, is there anyone who would like to go first?”

“Ve~”

“Germany recognizes his friend Italy!”

“Ve~ Can we go for a pasta break?”

“Nein. Would anyone else like to say anything?”

“Lunch sounds fabuleux, provided Rosbif doesn’t make it.”

“WHAT WAS THAT YOU TASTELESS FROG?”

“I’m starving! Lunch sounds delicious, doesn’t it Norge?”

“Only if my little brother will eat with me. Come on Little Brother. Eat with your Big Brother.”

“Stop calling yourself that.”

“Call me Big Brother.”

“No.”

“Big Sister?”

“Wha- that doesn’t make any sense!”

“I think it would be really great if we all are together! Don’t you think, Sve?”

“Hm. M-hm.”

“Yay! No-or-dic- Five!”

“Can I join?”

“E-Estonia? You would leave us just like that?”

“Eh… Well.. sorry, Latvia. You too, Lithuania.”

“Don’t worry Lit! Even if he leaves, you’ll still have me!”

“…”

“Thanks, Poland.”

“Of course Lit! We ARE married after all.”

“Eh…”

“Ohonhonhon~ trouble in paradise?”

“Ah- no- anyways- we were talking about lunch?”

“Da!”

“Ah! Mr. Russia!”

“Ah… Are you hungry little brother?”

“A bit, Big Sister Ukraine. Thank you.”

“Big Brother? You are hungry?”

“Ah… Belarus…”

“Marry me?”

“Aaagh!”

“Come back, Big Brother. Marry me. Come back.”

 

* * *

 

God sighed, and set down the tea the little female nation had served him.

“I understand what you mean now. They never do stop fighting, do they?”

The blonde sitting across from set down his drink.

“No.”

The girl sat down on one of the tables remaining sides.

“That’s why we are neutral! Big Brother isn’t fond of the others and their arguments.”

“That makes sense. Thank you, Liechtenstein.”

“You’re welcome!”

“Ahem.”

“Ah, yes. Switzerland. What is it?”

“Have you decided what you are going to do?”

“Well, I was originally going to make the Earth flat, but seeing as your fellow nations seem unable to reach an agreement, I’m afraid I will have to rescind my offer.”

“I see. It is of no matter to us. We are protected by the Border of Permanent Neutrality.”

God raised an eyebrow, glance at the shining rainbow barrier surrounding the land.

“I suppose that’s true.”

“Hm.”

“Well, thank you for the tea, it was delicious. I must leave now. Goodbye!”

“Auf Wiedersehen! Thank you for coming!” Liechtenstein called as God faded into the air.

“That was rather nice of him to stop by, don’t you think Big Brother?”

“Hm.”


End file.
